Mom support!

I have the best mom! She put this up after I was feeling low. 

Cardiac rehab suspended

It is likely that cardiac rehab will be suspended...for a MONTH ... i had a meltdown over this yesterday, but today just looking for alternatives to find a place that deals with heart patients in the new orleans area.

This is pretty emotional for me. In the past few weeks, my blood pressure had dropped when I was exercising, but I could tell I was improving across the board, at least slowly. But there's such a long road to get back to where I was, and the rehab gave me the courage to go on. 

I remember a friend sending this to me before my surgery in 2009. 

Origin: 

courage 

c.1300, from O.Fr. corage, from V.L. *coraticum, from L. cor"heart," which remains a common metaphor for inner strength. InM.E., used broadly for "what is in one's mind or thoughts," hence"bravery," but also "wrath, pride, confidence, lustiness," or anysort of inclination. Replaced O.E. ellen, which

also meant "zeal, strength."

---I cried today since it means that it will take more time for me to get better.  It's hard to describe how tough this journey has been. A friend suggested I think of positive things, and focus on a picture of myself that showed myself when I was strong and not sick. I think this is one of my favorites. My mom took it at Mardi Gras about 5 years ago. So much has changed since then, but I love the blue. 

Valve Failure

 This is the picture of my valve that was no longer working. I had a heart catherization, and I was awake enough to see the leaflets frozen open.

This is what caused me to have my third open-heart surgery. The valve was not working AT ALL.

Luckily, the team at the Cleveland Clinic knew what to do, and less than 36 hours later, I had surgery. I now have a cadaver (human) pulmonary valve.

I honestly never thought I would live to see the summer.

And now I can honestly say I never thought I would feel this ALIVE.

Rainy Droids

I've been feeling ok lately but if takes one rainy low-pressure day like today to make my chest sing like a violin. Eeeeeeee and ouch!

Relaxing on my parents couch watching Star Wars and hating all the totally unnecessary CGI It's a reminder that like the movie and my breast bone, when you fiddle with something originally perfect, there's hell to pay (These are not the droids you remember)

Meditation

Seeking new ways to treat post-traumatic stress, the Department of Veteran Affairs is studying the use of transcendental meditation to help returning veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan. Declaration of Independence from distractions.


I used meditation all throughout my time in the hospital. As I said before, I don't respond to painkillers like morphine, so the pain management was terrible following my surgery, especially in the ICU. It did something to me, I'd never experienced that level of pain before. 


To help get through it, I'd meditate, just blank out my mind to help make it through. This video is amazing, Sigur Rós: Rembihnútur. It means a double knot, something tough to get out of. 

4 months out from surgery. Day 21 in rehab, been upped a level. Tough but steady improvement. Still low blood pressure. I'll probably be taking intravenous iron from blood loss from surgery (I've been weak and tired). 


One major thing I've notice is how my brain seems to be coming back online, like I can remember things that I used to know. When I was so sick, everything was fuzzy and slowed down. Which means it's time tor relive world cup excitement now that I am AWAKE! Vuvuzelas for everyone! Waka waka!